These are some of the questions children ask and in today's article we will be discussing the importance of teaching children age appropriate sex education.
Many Kenyans do not have the sex talk with their parents throughout their childhood (and adulthood) and in turn grow up with a poor understanding of sex.
Some go ahead to have children of their own and are therefore unable to teach their children sex education.
Some parents agree that sex-education is important, others believe that this education should be taught at school and not by them while others believe that there shouldn't be more to it beyond abstinence.
In Kenya, the provision for sex education is not provided for in the curriculum however, after the HIV/AIDS pandemic the same was introduced with much of it geared against reducing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.
Much of the education however, is lacking with abstinence being the focus and the use of male condoms.
There is a desperate need to have an inclusive and unbiased sexual education curriculum for children, pre-teens, teens and even adults in universities.
In our last article https://www.kazentertainment.com/post/sexual-health-and-consent we stated that sexual health is something we should all think about and that it is important whether you are sexually active, believe yourself to be low risk or otherwise.
We went further to define sexual health as having the information and support that you need to explore sexuality and relationships in a healthy, respectful and safe way; that when we talk about sexual health, we are not just talking about contraceptives but about caring for ourselves and feeling good about it.
With these definitions in mind, it is then easy to see why these conversations should begin as early as possible.
Children are a vulnerable group which means that they are disproportionately targeted when it comes to sexual assault and violence.
[1]The prevalence of child sexual abuse is difficult to determine because it is often not reported; experts agree that the incidence is far greater than what is reported to authorities.
Child Sexual Assault is also not uniformly defined, so statistics may vary.
Statistics below represent some of the research done on child sexual abuse in America
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Children’s Bureau report Child Maltreatment 2010 found that 9.2% of victimized children were sexually assaulted (page 24).
Studies by David Finkelhor, Director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center, show that:
1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse;
Self-report studies show that 20% of adult females and
5-10% of adult males recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident;
In Kenya for example, [2]a report carried out shows evidence there have been changes in patterns of sexual offenses against children coincident with lockdowns, curfews, and school closures.
In particular, emerging evidence suggests that child victims are younger, more likely to be victimized by a neighbor in a private residence, and in the daytime, compared to pre-pandemic.
The need to introduce age appropriate sex education is therefore necessary to prevent cases of sexual assault.
Beyond using it as a tool to prevent sexual assault, sexual education is about our being, our bodies.
[3]According to many early children educators, most children set the tone for themselves.
These conversations arise in every day conversation when they ask where babies come from, when they are curious about their body parts, when they are curious about the differences in genitals, when they self-stimulate, body hair among others.
[4]Some young children also practice self-stimulation through thumb sucking and genital play, with a peak at age 2.
In general, most of these behaviors are self-limited to the preschool period and are usually viewed as normal, common, and expected behaviors.
These habits generally do not signify psychological maladjustment and often require little intervention other than reassuring the parents and suggesting adequate interaction with their child as well as teaching them not to do it in public.
We spoke to Lowry Achieng' Jahera who is a Counseling Psychologist, art therapist and a visual artist to tell us a little more about her work with children.
"I have worked with children a lot. My main motivation for initiating the Mental Wellness Initiative Kenya was to organize a group of professional counselors who would conduct free psychotherapy for children living in low income areas such as Kibra slums.
Through this initiative and in collaboration with 9 other counselors and Psychologists, we reached and served more than 600 children from 9 different schools and organizations in Kibra. I've worked with I am Heshima organization in Busia, Gender Violence Recovery Centre, Faraja Cancer Support Trust, Uweza Foundation and my current work with Usikimye Rescue Centre. In my work with children, I've always endeavoured to create the most supportive environment for them."
In partnership with different organizations for Children’s Mental Health Day, you organized an event dubbed “Find your brave” where you were discussing the overlap between sexual & gender based violence, mental health + consent. Tell us a little more about that and the overlap between the 3.
Yes. Ever since I founded the Mental Wellness Initiative in 2017, I have held annual events on February 9th to celebrate children and appreciate that their mental health is important. In 2020, "Find your brave" was the theme of the day and we visited a group of teen moms in Kamulu who needed the support most. I led a discussion on post-partum depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Since then I've worked with other children survivors of sexual and gender based violence at Usikimye rescue centre. When rape, sexual and physical abuse happen to a child, the child tends to have a magnified sense of self blame which can take years or even a lifetime to work through. Children look upto adults as good role models, they also expect protection and provision of needs. In the event of sexual assault, the young child's mind does not have the capacity to think that the perpetrator is wrong and messed up. They often end up blaming themselves and excusing the abusive behaviour. Thinking that it's their fault often gives them a sense of control in the situation. Children may start looking for solutions to the abuse which puts them in performative roles. This can bring up so much stress, anxiety and frustrations when their performance doesn't yield desired results. In addition to the trauma and post traumatic stress which can come up as a result of the abuse, children victims have a heavier burden because of how they tend to personalize the behaviours of their perpetrators.
When teaching children about consent, it's important to go deeper than saying that they have a right to say yes or no and that their consent should be respected. Explain to them what it means when adults don't respect their yes or no.
Do you have different approaches when counseling boys versus girls?
No. My approach is client-centered which means that I seek to meet the client's individual needs for therapy in order to give them the best benefit from psychotherapy.
What are some of the ways you teach, empower and counsel your patients when it comes to consent and what can parents, teachers and other educators learn?
I read out the psychotherapy consent form to them, explain it in a simple language that they understand then answer any questions that they may have about the consent form. When I simplify the message it's usually well understood.
In my psychotherapy consent form, I explain what psychotherapy is and outline the terms of therapy, including that the child has a right to question any aspect of their treatment.
As the therapist, I have to constantly check that the child feels comfortable and free to express themselves.
Another thing is to adjust all my sessions to fit the needs of the child day by day.
Children's moods can change and so it's important to adjust any plans in order to support them in the ways they need in that moment.
If you would like more resources regarding positive parenting go back to episode 42 of the podcast https://open.spotify.com/episode/7lHTov34YTB7ZW9kUbu9V5 where we hosted King Noire & Jetsetting Jasmine. They speak about how they teach their children sex education, consent and how they help them enforce their boundaries.
We will also be having a podcast episode out later this month talking more about the subject from a Kenyan approach.
Engage with us on https://twitter.com/thespreadpod or in the comments, share the article and let us know what more you would like us to discuss regarding children, consent and the importance of sex education.
[1] https://victimsofcrime.org/child-sexual-abuse-statistics/
[2] https://doi.org/10.3389/fgwh.2021.630901[3] Levine SB, et al.
[3] Facilitating parent-child communication about sexuality. Pediatrics in Review. 2011;32:129 Wilkinson B, et al.
[4] Understanding masturbation in the pediatric patient. Journal of Pediatric Health Care. 2018;32:639